I just saw another article about why the crazies don’t get help. I mean we know we have to get help sometimes. We know when are illness is starting to push our life in the crapper. We know the first time we think, maybe I should just call in today. Instead, we wait. Why in the world would we do this? I hear how we are afraid and that we haven’t accepted or how we aren’t in the best place for making decisions. The dealio can also be so much more practical. So I will tell you a few of my barriers. Maybe they are yours as well.
1. I want to keep my job.
While I know in my mind this is counter intuitive. I have kids and bills and the job pays. Ever since I have been in the temp world, I have been reminded of the if you don’t work you don’t get paid type of jobs. So me missing days for treatment are days unpaid and greater reason to not need my services. Since a large percentage of us crazies have a hard time keeping a job and are more likely a lower paying jobs with no leave getting the help we need can come with a triple hit. Look to No.2 for more.
2. Bills Bills Bills
So why I am not getting paid for the day, if I get help, I am creating yet another bill. While a mini-vaca at the looney bin sounds like fun. My real vaca isn’t gonna come at all. I mean I still owe on my last mini-vaca and Lucky’s last mini-vaca. So while it is fun to have such a good time with others of my kind, I do hope to have a real vacation again at some point. What all you Norms may not know, Mental Healthcare is not covered like physical health. Apparently, even under the new Obamacare, some of our care is just plain optional. So being mentally ill is the gift that keeps on giving.
3. I don’t even like what I am thinking.
Part of getting care is having to talk about what your mind has created. So we don’t really want to tell people out loud what we don’t even what thought in our heads. Who wants to say,”I need help today cause I feel like smothering my child that won’t stop crying.” Or maybe, “I got an email today and I am certain that the government is spying on me thanks to an old friend.” Or getting an email for an exit interview and being certain that the government can read your thoughts and is coming to get your kids. Or you know how you want to staple you coworkers tongue to the roof of her mouth if she sings again. Then there are all the ways we have dreamed off ourselves. Jumping of a ferry boat with weights, stepping in front of a bus or train, taking all the meds in your house and hoping you don’t wake up. True what we think is scary to us, but the look on your face not something we want to see. So scary yes but often it is the judgement we are wary of.
4. Oh the judgement
We know you love us and we know you care but you don’t get it and you can’t hide the fact that you judge us. We keep it all in. So you guys don’t even know the train is coming till it hits. We love you and we care but feeling crazy is one thing, having you confirm it hurts. We aren’t afraid of what you think so much as we are sad and hurt. It just hurts that you don’t get it and don’t understand it and look at us in away that is both sorry for us and a little afraid of us. So getting help, means I have to deal with all your reactions. Also this means that everyone starts acting like my thoughts were put into action. So if I thought about hurting my kids, the friends and family start watching you like you have.
Really, being on the cray cray side isn’t a whole lot of fun in the midst of it all. Truly people always forget the money aspect of it. We make a lot of choices based on that. I have seen people not go to the physical doctor because of cost. Why wouldn’t we make choices due to money. It is a huge driving force. So why act like we don’t have those worries. Anyway, I hope we can move past these at some time.